Where'd You Go, Bernadette?

Sassy Mother pictured

This book sucked me in like a black hole. The title was interesting, especially with its contraction and the unique name (Bernadette) that is also shared by Howard Wollowitz from Big Band Theory's wife. I also loved the color and design of the cover of the book, which consisted of a sassy looking brunette/redhead with cool glasses and an open mouth. Read the review on Goodreads.

Currently, its writing is fairly average, but it is the content that has me smiling. My favorite phrases (in context) as well as some very unique characters (in context) are:

• (Bee, her daughter, and Bernadette, the mother, are at Microsoft.) "... We parked illegally..."
• The unique character of Ollie-O in an email to all of the Galer school parents to organize a prospective parent brunch: "Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I'm working on the invite. Get me those names ASAP. We need to take this brunch at the Griffins' house live before Christmas. Saturday, December 11, is my target date. This puppy has all the ingredients of an epic kilt lifter."
• Annoying Audrey Griffin, a gnat mother who is despicably annoying, claims that Bernadette ran over her foot with her car. The doctor apparently does not understand. "I went to the emergency room and got an incompetent doctor, who refused to accept that there was anything wrong with me." The doctor's report: "Patient in acute emotional distress, demanded X ray, Vicodin, and crutches."
• Bee disagrees. "We drove off and that was that. I know for a fact we didn't run over anybody's foot. I love Mom's car, but riding in that thing is like 'The Princess and the Pea.' If Mom had run over something as big as a human foot, it would have set off the air bags."
• Audrey then attempts to break into Bernadette's yard to take a look at her blackberry bushes that she hates so desperately. Audrey speaks to Tom, a blackberry abatement specialist. "My suggestion is we meet at my house on Monday at 3PM sharp. I know for a fact that's when she'll be at school picking up her daughter. We can quickly climb through a hole in the side of the fence and look at her blackberry bushes."

Bernadette is the mother of Bee, who is a 15-year-old at Galer school. After Bee gets all perfect grades, she claims her reward of going to Antarctica. Bernadette is not too happy with Bee's decision, especially with the annoying gnat mothers who want to see her fail at life.

• Bernadette speaking about paying the hospital bill for gnat mother Audrey Griffin: "Because they're annoying, but not so annoying that you actually want to spend valuable energy on them. These gnats have done everything to provoke me into a fight over the past nine years-- the stories I could tell!"
• The Huge Hideous Thing: "Around the same time, I'd had a Huge Hideous Thing happen to me (which we definitely do not need to get into). Let's just say that it was so huge and so hideous that it made em want to flee L.A. and never return."
• Bernadette on Canadians (she has no filter!): "The thing Canadians don't understand is that some people are extraordinary and should be treated as such."
• Bernadette in an email to her virtual assistant in India: "I'm getting really scared about the trip to Antarctica. And not just because I hate people, which, for the record, I still do. I just don't think I can make it across the Drake Passage... Maybe you can find me something really strong for seasickness. And I don't mean Dramamine. I mean strong."

There's way too much content for this blog post to be anything but a required summer book length, but I'll continue sharing my insight as I get further into the book.

For anyone who cares, I have renewed my copy of The Goldfinch for the millionth time three days ago. I have not touched it, but at least I have it if I (n)ever want to read it.